exciting story #10 Einstein's Time Theory

Dear readers, (especially those who have had their tonsils removed last week)
As so many of you have pointed out, I've broken my promise regarding the two-weeks time limit.
I therefore say to all of you: Time is but a relative factor. As my friend Albert Einstein has stated:

"Despite our common perception that a second is always a second everywhere in the universe, the rate at which time flows depends upon where you are and how fast you are traveling"

Thanks to Albert I can now explain myself. I've been traveling very fast the past few weeks. Therefore my perception of time has been different than yours. For me it has been less than two weeks since my latest post. In fact: it has only been three days. So what has made me travel so fast? Surely, it has not been the NS (dutch railway association). It must have been my busy schedule. The past few days (or weeks, as you've probably perceived them) I've been working my way through a vast number of assignments, exams and presentations. The problem is that the busier you get, the faster time seems to flow, the less time you have to complete your work. I therefore suggest that in University programs, Einstein's relativity theory should be taken into account when making schedules. That means that the time-table should be less rigid. It is my strong belief that if a student could work his way through the educational system at his own pace (and perception of time) this would greatly benefit the efficacy of education.

exciting story # 9 King of excuses: what really happened

Me: My name is Femke and I'm a blogger.
You: Welcome Femke
Me: It has been 5 months, 2 weeks, 5 days and 3 hours since my last post
You: [ loud roaring applause]
Me: It's not that I didn't want to write, but I just couldn't find the time. Oh, okay, I did have the time but nothing really exciting happened. Or maybe exciting things did happen but I couldn't find the words to describe them to you. Or maybe that's a lousy excuse too.
The thing is: I just don't know why I haven't updated my blog on a regular basis but I promise you all to change my ways and post at least once every two weeks. How's that for a start?
You: It's a start, but no more than that.
Me: Okay, so what do I have to do to make you forgive me for not posting exciting stories the past few months?
You: You can start by giving us an update on your life over the past months.
Me: Okay, I can do that! Listen carefully, I shall blog this only once! There has been a new person in my life. She's soft, furry and cute and goes by the name Minoes. Minoes and I have been living together for the past 4 months and we are doing very well. The weirdest thing about having a cat is that you suddenly feel responsible for a living creature. For somebody who can't even manage to keep a cactus alive that's a big thing. But Minoes has been alive and kicking like crazy for the past months so I think I have found a hidden talent.
You: So you got a cat, how boring. Tell us something more exciting.
Me: Okay, let me see...... Ehm, I moved into another room.?!
You: Boring!!!
Me: What else?.....Ow, yeah. I got knocked up by an alien and we got engaged last week.
You: really?
Me: No.
You: okay, let's cut the crap. You have one last chance before we ignore your blog forever.
Me: But there's just nothing more to tell you!
You: So nothing really happened?
Me: Nothing worth mentioning.
You: Well, when do you think you can write us something exciting again?
Me: Let me see, ehm, maybe next week?
You: Sounds good to us.
Me: Thank you. And thank's for listening.
You: Anytime.....

Exciting story # 8 railway wrack

Dear readers. Today I've had an encounter with one of the most ridiculous dutch phenomena: railway vandalism. I was traveling from Zwolle to Amersfoort by train. That's a 45 minute journey so I had taken out my new favourite book (a Game of Thrones, by George Martin) and read for the major part of the journey. Suddenly it felt as if something large and heavy was shoved underneath my compartment. I heard a loud bang and almost instantly the engineer performed an emergency stop. I heard the brakes on my compartment rattle, which isn't the sound they are supposed to make, and when the train came to a stop it felt as if the compartment was lifted from the track. After a few seconds a railway employee came in and told us to leave our seats and follow him into the next compartment. After a few minutes the engineer informed us that we had supposedly hit a concrete block and that the train was too badly damaged to continue with the journey (the train was bound for Rotterdam) . The good thing was that we were only a few hundred metres away from the station and the engineer was able to take us there on a slow pace. After I got off the train I was able to take a look at the damage. Five out of eight compartments were severely damaged: the air pressure tanks were leaking, some windows were broken and we lost part of a wheel. I took a bus to Hilversum and decided that only very disturbed people would ever even think of putting a large object on the track. I came up with some alternatives for those who feel the need to do such a thing:
1) get a job
2) get a life
3) start a toy- train collection
4)blow up things in your backyard (no living objects!)
5)if you still feel the need to put concrete blocks somewhere: become a contracter and do something useful for a change

exciting story #7 partially unemployed me

Dear readers. It is my sad duty to inform you of my recent lack of discipline and insufficient work morale. After 8 weeks of interviewing innocent consumers on various subjects (cars, inernet usage, newspapers and, my personal favourite: bananas) I quit my beloved job at Telder's. It was neither the verbal harassment by the respondents, nor was it the yelling episodes of a certain supervisor that caused me to give up. It was the lack of challenge and stimulation that finally got to me. Every shift lasted 4 hours without a break and I got bored after about one hour so the last three hours were a disaster. I worked 2 shifts in a week so for 6 hours every week I was so bored time seemed to go 10 times slower. It was simple maths that persuaded me to quit in the end. If time goes 10 times slower for 6 hours a week that's 60 hours a week. If I had continued to work there it would have meant that I would have spent 60 x 52 = 3120/24 = 130 days of my life in misery every single year! I believe this would have had a serious effect on my mental health as well as my mood. My mood affects the wellbeing of people around me. And since I work in a supermarket, my mood affects a whole village. The people in that village work all over the country so my mood affects the entire Netherlands. And, as the laws of globalisation tell us, no country stands alone. Every country is part of a global network so my mood affects the entire world. So, dear readers, I did not just quit my job last week, I actually brought humanity closer to world-peace. But I'm a humble person so no need to give me the Nobel peace prize. Just send me some money to make up for my missing income.

exciting story # 6: questionnaire blues

I've been working for Telder for a couple of weeks now and it's not as bad as I thought it would be. It's quite funny to have dozens of people on the phone in one night. I never thought there would be so many complete nutheads living in the Netherlands. Here's a small selection of the funny replies I've had last week:

me: I'm .... I work for.....can I ask you some questions?
resp.: No, I'm deaf.

me: What's your ethnic background?
resp.: female
me: No, I asked you what's your ethnic background.
resp.: Ow, I'm sorry, I'm single.

me: have you ever travelled by TGV?
resp.: No, I'm afraid of flying.

me: What's your monthly income?
resp.: No idea, I never check my account.

the next respondent clearly did not speak a lot of dutch:
Me: I'm... I work for...agency...research...questions?
resp: I didn't do anything! I didn't do it. Don't ask me questions! I didn't do it!!!

me: do you own a cell-phone?
resp: I don't know, I'll ask my husband.

The next guy was clearly a mommy's boy:
Me: What's your age?
resp.: i'm 62
me: Who's responsible for most of the groceries?
resp.: my mother (!!!!!)

me: why do you do most of your grocerieshopping at AH?
resp.: They kicked me out of the ALDI.
me: why?
resp.: They say I stole a bottle of wine.
me: and, did you?
resp.: no, it was a bottle of sherry.

me: I'm...work for...can I ask you some questions.
resp.: sure, but I don't think I'll be a lot of help.
me: and why's that?
resp.: I'm 103 years old.

You see, being a callcenter employee isn't that bad as long as all crazy people keep anwering their phones.