If only

If only you would have been younger, I could have made you understand why I was unable to live up to your expectations. If only I would have been braver I could have told you just what I meant by not being ready to commit. If only times were different we could have been happy for a while. If only you weren't so stubborn you would still be alive today. I love you, stupid!

questions and answers

Dear readers

It has been way too long since my last post but I won't even start apologizing for it. So, where have I been, what have I been doing and why have I been doing these things at that specific location? Lot's of questions for one post but I'll try to answer all of them.
Question #1: Where have I been?
Answer # 1: I've packed up my things (and my cat) and moved to Utrecht.

Question#2: What have I been doing?
Answer #2: I've been packing and unpacking all of my belongings. I never concidered myself to be a very materialistic person but while packing my stuff I remembered I only needed 10 boxes to put them in when I went to Hilversum and now I was looking at at least 30 boxes. I went through my things one more time to try to get rid of some of them. Then the worst shock came: I actually felt like I needed all of those things so I ended up moving all 30 boxes (and loads of furniture) to Utrecht.

Question #3: Why have I been doing these things at that specific location?
Answer #3: Well, to tell you the truth, Hilversum and I just didn't get along anymore so we'd decided to split up. Also the situation at bakerstreet was getting worse every day since Mr. Marcel "the rat" B. came up with a wide range of "freaks 'n geeks" whenever a room was available in our house. So in the end we had an unemployed drug-addicted 18 year old criminal girl living downstairs at the back (with two dogs, a cat and some kind of unemployed drug-addicted boyfriend on 16m2). And two really, really dumb (the correct dutch connotation here is "te stom om te poepen") alcoholics with a slight anger problem in the downstairs apartment. I've actually felt guilty about not telling the new tenant about his new neighbours.
But I decided not to think about Hillywood too much and just enjoy Utrecht for now.

Spring in my head

Dear readers
My last post was somewhat depressed but I'm over that now so you can all stop sending me flowers, cards and valium (thanks by the way). How did I get past my depression? Well, it's not really something I did, something happened: the sun started shining. The moment the sun broke through those depressing grey clouds, my head cleared as well. Suddenly everything looked much better: my room wasn't really depressing anymore (after I cleaned the windows), flowers started growing everywhere, people are less cranky and even the grass between the tiles looks greener. I decided it was time to put all my sweaters and jackets in a bag and put them somewhere out of sight and fill my closet with t-shirts and shorts. Unfortunately the temperature isn't really keeping up with all the sunshine so now I have a terrible cold. But even that doesn't spoil my mood! I feel like having icecreams and smoothies and going to the beach all day. Also I get the urge to clean things. So far I cleaned my windows, the bathroom, the fridge and the ashtray. My cat is also infected with spring-madness.The last few days she's been running around like crazy catching flies and other insects. She only sleeps 10 hours a day, usually she needs around 16 hours of sleep. And this morning when I opened the door to let her out, there was a huge male cat waiting for her on the doorstep so with all that catching flies she also managed to find herself a boyfriend, YOU GO GIRL!!!!

Grumpy old me

Dear readers

Today his a historical day. Today's the last day of my 26th year of life. Tomorrow my 27th year will start so I believe it's time to reflect on some of the highlights of the past year. Exactly one year ago I was working on my bachelorthesis and I was wondering if I would ever graduate my bachelorprogram. I did graduate so now I'm writing my masterthesis and I wonder if I ever graduate from university. So you see, nothing has changed really. I still live in Hilversum and I still hate it but I'm too lazy to go and look for another place to live. I still work at the supermarket and for the fourth year in a row I decided that this year will be my last year there. I still download application forms for really cool graduation programs at universities all over europe but I never fill them out. I'm still planning my trip to australia and indonesia but I know I'll probably never go.
The problem is that I keep postponing these things. I just think of them as something in the future, something I might do when I'm a grown-up, graduated, etc. Today the truth hit me: I am an adult, the future is now. In a few years I'll be way too old for these things so I have to do this now. The problem is that I don't really want to do all these things now. I want them to be dreams for the future. So today I decided to set some goals for myself. Next year I'll be graduated from university, I'll no longer be working in a supermarket, I'll no longer be living in Hillywood. And I sure as ... won't be postponing my dreams for the future. SO today I downloaded my 13th applicationform. This one's for the Humboldt University in Berlin. I actually filled it out and I sent it to the application office. So in one year I'll be in Berlin, studying my ass of. And if I'm not in Berlin I'll be in Prague, London, Vienna or anyplace else, BUT DEFINETELY NO LONGER HERE!!!

Berlin, poor but sexy

Being so bored I forgot to tell you about my trip to Berlin this weekend!
Here's the complete account:
We, Fleur and myself, left Hilversum on fridaymorning. We took the train to Amersfoort and from there the IC 140 to Berlin. We had first-class tickets because we booked too late and the second class was full. After a 6 hour travel we arrived at Berlin hauptbahnhof somewhere around 6 pm. Thank god our former downstairs neighbour Richard was waiting for us there because the station alone was big enough to get lost in for days. I was told it's the biggest railway station in Europe and it definately looks more like a shopping mall than a railway station. We took the subway to Prenzlauerberg and checked in to our hostel. The hostel was called Alcatraz but from the outside it looked more like a crack house in a New York City getto. Inside, the ambiance was better although it took me some time to get used to the chaotic paintings on the walls, ceilings and stairs. We got up to our 4th floor room, no elevator of course, and dropped of our bags. We had dinner with Richard and Janine at their really cute apartment a few blocks from the hostel. Saturday morning we woke up early and decided to have some breakfast at the bakery a few metres from the hostel. Since our german is very bad and the bakery's owner did not speak any english, I was very surprised that we got exactly the breakfast we ordered. We took the subway to the center and bought a map of Berlin. Armed with the map, we set out on foot and walked miles and miles through the city. We saw the reichstag, brandenburger tor, the library, the university, the Dom, the bodemuseum and all kinds of neat buildings. We decided to take a boat trip on the Spree to see some more of Berlin. For the first 15 minutes of the trip Fleur and I were the onlyones aboard so we got a lot of attention from the captain. He noticed our dutch speech and therfore welcomed us aboard of the Prins Willem Alexander for a nice trip through the Amsterdam canals. After the boat trip we went to checkpoint Charlie. For tourists in Berlin, this seems to be the place to be. We fought ourselves through groups of Japanese and American tourists to find that checkpoint Charlie consists of a) a sign above the pavement (you're leaving american territory), b) a small peace of Berlin wall c) a small guarding stand in the middle of the road and d) a vast amount of souvenir shops ( I kind of liked the name of the fastfood restaurant 'snackpoint charlie'). After this deception, we went to our favourite original german coffeehouse: Starbucks. After that we went to the hostel and had a little nap. We ate at Richard and Janine's and then went to a party of some of their friends at the other side of the city. On sunday we checked out of the hostel, went to the flee market, some really, really cool shops and walked around Prenzlauerberg some more. Then we went to the station and got the train back home.
To conclude my story, here's some striking features of Berlin

• The most annoying people in Berlin are dutch
• All dutch tourists in Berlin think they're the only dutch people in Berlin
• You can drink anywhere: on the streets, on the subway etc. so you see lots of people walking around with bottles of beer
• There are lots of unemployed people hanging around in subway stations all day/night
• All of those people own huge German sheperd dogs
• You can have a good breakfast for 3 euro's.
• The beer's great
• Public transport is cheap and great
• Berlin: arm aber sehr, sehr sexy

As bored as a cat on a rainy day

Dear readers

You don't need to tell me anymore that it has been a while since my last post, I allready know. I've been really busy with stuff and I kind of forgot about my blog. Today, however I'm really, really bored. Not that I don't have work to do, there's always schoolwork, but I just don't feel like doing it. So I've been cruising the net all day trying to find something exciting to do. I've found nothing worth mentioning though. The weather is terrible so I don't feel like going outside. I even decided to have bread and peanutbutter for dinner tonight so I won't have to go to the supermarket. My cat is also bored. On days like this she won't go outside to play so she keeps complaining at me like I can make it stop raining. I've been observing my cat all day and I have to say that I admire her coping strategies. She's been really busy today. This morning she nagged about going out to pee by biting my toes. Later she wrecked my newspaper out of sheer frustration. Then she decided to cool of a bit upstairs by scratching the last bit of paint of the walls. Then she started eating the curtains and finally dozed of on my laptop (I'm still picking hairs out of the keypad). Now she's back to threatening birds at the window, a very healthy occupation for a cat. Maybe I should do some of that threatening business too, it should make me feel better.

exciting story #10 Einstein's Time Theory

Dear readers, (especially those who have had their tonsils removed last week)
As so many of you have pointed out, I've broken my promise regarding the two-weeks time limit.
I therefore say to all of you: Time is but a relative factor. As my friend Albert Einstein has stated:

"Despite our common perception that a second is always a second everywhere in the universe, the rate at which time flows depends upon where you are and how fast you are traveling"

Thanks to Albert I can now explain myself. I've been traveling very fast the past few weeks. Therefore my perception of time has been different than yours. For me it has been less than two weeks since my latest post. In fact: it has only been three days. So what has made me travel so fast? Surely, it has not been the NS (dutch railway association). It must have been my busy schedule. The past few days (or weeks, as you've probably perceived them) I've been working my way through a vast number of assignments, exams and presentations. The problem is that the busier you get, the faster time seems to flow, the less time you have to complete your work. I therefore suggest that in University programs, Einstein's relativity theory should be taken into account when making schedules. That means that the time-table should be less rigid. It is my strong belief that if a student could work his way through the educational system at his own pace (and perception of time) this would greatly benefit the efficacy of education.

exciting story # 9 King of excuses: what really happened

Me: My name is Femke and I'm a blogger.
You: Welcome Femke
Me: It has been 5 months, 2 weeks, 5 days and 3 hours since my last post
You: [ loud roaring applause]
Me: It's not that I didn't want to write, but I just couldn't find the time. Oh, okay, I did have the time but nothing really exciting happened. Or maybe exciting things did happen but I couldn't find the words to describe them to you. Or maybe that's a lousy excuse too.
The thing is: I just don't know why I haven't updated my blog on a regular basis but I promise you all to change my ways and post at least once every two weeks. How's that for a start?
You: It's a start, but no more than that.
Me: Okay, so what do I have to do to make you forgive me for not posting exciting stories the past few months?
You: You can start by giving us an update on your life over the past months.
Me: Okay, I can do that! Listen carefully, I shall blog this only once! There has been a new person in my life. She's soft, furry and cute and goes by the name Minoes. Minoes and I have been living together for the past 4 months and we are doing very well. The weirdest thing about having a cat is that you suddenly feel responsible for a living creature. For somebody who can't even manage to keep a cactus alive that's a big thing. But Minoes has been alive and kicking like crazy for the past months so I think I have found a hidden talent.
You: So you got a cat, how boring. Tell us something more exciting.
Me: Okay, let me see...... Ehm, I moved into another room.?!
You: Boring!!!
Me: What else?.....Ow, yeah. I got knocked up by an alien and we got engaged last week.
You: really?
Me: No.
You: okay, let's cut the crap. You have one last chance before we ignore your blog forever.
Me: But there's just nothing more to tell you!
You: So nothing really happened?
Me: Nothing worth mentioning.
You: Well, when do you think you can write us something exciting again?
Me: Let me see, ehm, maybe next week?
You: Sounds good to us.
Me: Thank you. And thank's for listening.
You: Anytime.....